We made it through the 20 minute drive to the hospital without having to make any stops (I was terrified that the Moviprep may not have fully left my system yet) and managed to get to the endoscopy department without bumping into anyone I knew. We got checked in, they did my observations (heart rate, blood pressure, etc.) and I said goodbye to J and was taken to the changing area. I may have exaggerated a little when asked how much Moviprep I’d consumed, but hey – I figured all the patients must do this, right? I got changed into the gowns and so-called ‘dignity shorts’ – these are long, black, elasticated shorts made out of the same stuff as the fake knickers for bikini waxes, only with a delightful slit in the back. This is for easy access, giving a pleasant clue as to what is to come.
Sat in the waiting room, having had my consent taken, it suddenly occurred to me that I didn’t know who’d be doing the procedure. Having done a surgical job at the hospital only a few months back, I knew quite a few of the colorectal consultants. It was bad enough that anyone was going to be sticking a camera up my arse, I couldn’t stand for it to be someone I knew, no matter how senior. Oh god, it was too late to turn back now. Totally kicking myself for agreeing to this, the nurse came to get me. To my utter relief, the consultant sat in the room was one I’d never met before. He introduced himself and asked me about where I worked – my title on my notes was ‘Dr’. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a doctor??”, piped up the nurse who took my consent, “I spent ages explaining it all!”. I laughed and said I hadn’t wanted to interrupt her mid-flow, but the truth was that I’d wanted to hear it all – I just wanted to be as prepared as possible. I might have seen them before but I’d never been the one on the table!
I was asked to take off the gown covering my backside and lie on the bed. I got up carefully, ensuring that my other gown covered as much of my dignity as possible. The nurse noticed and smiled, pointing out that that was sort of the area they were going to need access to. Jesus, this was undignified….
I’d seen a few colonoscopies done back when I was in medical school, and generally the patients had looked pretty comfortable, so I hadn’t been too worried about it from a pain point of view. I’d opted for the sedation though, just feeling that I wasn’t about to take any risks. This also meant that I’d watched the screen throughout these procedures and was aware of what a normal bowel looked like, as well as abnormal changes, such as polyps and inflammation, as you see in IBD.
The consultant cannulated me (got it first time, much to my relief) and injected the sedation. He asked me if I felt it and I said no, before a delightful wave of light-headedness hit me. I’d definitely be opting for this again. The camera was inserted just after the sedation, so I’m pleased to say that I didn’t even notice, though when the screen was turned towards me I had to try my best to concentrate on what I was looking at – I knew what I was looking for.
The first thing I noticed was that it looked a bit different to what I’d seen before. Normally the first part of the bowel (the rectum) looks quite smooth on camera, and all one colour. Mine did, but there was this slight pattern all over it, like a network of skinny little veins. Nothing major, like the classical IBD changes we’d been taught about, but just a little bit different than what I’d seen before. I held my breath, waiting for the consultant to say something, unsure as to whether this was normal or not. “Well this all looks fine”, he announced, and I was immediately reassured. It did get pretty painful after that part though, and I was surprised, given I’d already had the sedation. I could feel the scope going round my abdomen, and couldn’t help but bring my hands up, trying to push down on the spot to control the pain. I was given more pain relief and it was okay from there.
He continued the colonoscopy, taking various biopsies from different segments, asking me to turn over at different points to make the camera easier to pass and making awkward small talk about where I was working currently and what I wanted to do with my life. He commented that “the bowel was very mobile” (whatever that meant) and at the end said that everything had looked completely normal, other than some very small internal haemorrhoids, before removing the scope. Relieved to have regained at least a little of my dignity, I asked him if these small haemorrhoids could have been the cause of my symptoms. He looked at me, raised his eyebrows and said, “They were very small – they could possibly cause a little bit of blood on the toilet paper.” Right, wishful thinking then.
I was wheeled round to recovery, where the sedation and lack of sleep finally seemed to get the better of me. The gas that had been pumped into me during the colonoscopy also seemed keen to now make its exit – further humiliation for me then. After passing all my checks, the cannula was removed and I was taken round for a cup of tea and biscuit (finally some food!) and J and I were debriefed by the nurse. He drove me home and set me up in bed (I was totally exhausted) with a cup of tea, biscuits, chocolate, crisps and the promise of the biggest, dirtiest burger I wanted later (this had been one of his incentives that morning to get me to drink the toxic Moviprep).
I wasn’t all that surprised that the colonoscopy had been normal on camera, given that I currently felt great and was having no symptoms. However I had read that sometimes the biopsy results could still show some inflammation microscopically, so figured I’d just have to wait for the results…
IBDoctor 